Last week, our DTS leaders announced that due to the unpredictable spread of the Coronavirus, several outreach locations would be closed. We waited several weeks up until then to find out how the progressing condition of the world could possibly change our DTS’s outreach plans, including my team going to Mongolia. I thought about it every day, hanging on to all hope with my newly-ignited heart for the Mongols, that I could still somehow meet them even if they were located right on top of China—the epicenter of the virus.
So I listened intently to my DTS leader as he began his announcement, “I know that God’s spoken to you about certain nations and we want to honor that, but the safety of our students is put first and foremost.”
He went on to explain that the core leadership of YWAM and medical professionals gathered together in prayer, patiently watching what the virus would do. Over the next week, it spread like wildfire across the nations we all came together in Northeast Asia DTS for. With weeping, the leaders and professionals made the decision to close not just my team’s outreach to Mongolia, but every location our DTS teams planned to go to from the very beginning.
I would not be going to Mongolia for outreach after all, and I cried bitterly. No words can express the devastating disappoint I felt, but I’ll try, and I’ll share with you the journey God’s taking me on now to our new outreach location: Brazil.
How do I begin to describe it? I suppose I already knew a few days before the announcement that I wouldn’t go to Mongolia for outreach (I just felt it in my spirit) but I thought other locations in Asia would still be open for me to share the gospel in. After all, I did come to the Northeast Asia DTS for Northeast Asia!
Our small team of 10 were already planning on spending about four weeks in Ulaanbaantar, and the rest of our two months traveling to villages and gers. I wrote myself a page of the simple gospel in which I specifically imagined to share with a Mongol in their yurt home while drinking fermented horse milk! I anticipated so much; I studied all about their culture, listened to some cool Mongol music, watched all sorts of educational videos about Ghengis Kahn, their politics, religions and festivals… I was so, so ready for Mongolia.
But when I saw not even one option for me to go into Asia, not even Korea, my heart broke into a million pieces and I cried for two days. My plan was so Asia-focused that when it was removed from the entire picture, I felt like I had no drive to be in our DTS anymore.
In fact, this same exact thing happened when I attended Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM) in California. Every outreach location around the world was closed for the first time in BSSM history to direct all missionaries to the Azusa Now revival in Los Angeles in 2016. That time, too, I was devastated for a month.
So I didn’t want to be in YWAM Kona anymore if I couldn’t go to the nations my heart burned for—for the second time. I didn’t come to Northeast Asia DTS for South America. I thought this over and over again; I hated the thought of going to Brazil instead. I wanted to go home, head down and defeated—and worst of all, stay mad at God.
And here’s a special note: I’d rather be honest with God than lie about how I feel toward Him.
“There is not one person who can hide their thoughts from God, for nothing that we do remains a secret, and nothing created is concealed, but everything is exposed and defenseless before his eyes, to whom we must render an account.”
Hebrews 4:13 TPT
So if I was being honest, I was really mad at Him. And Him? He was not mad at me. He was very patient, and He allowed me to feel the emotions He made me have the ability to feel. Then, it was time to decide whether I would hold onto the disappointment or not. I was so devastated, I couldn’t let go of it on my own, so I went in front of my entire class one morning before lectures began and told them how I was feeling and that I needed them to pray for me.
They did, and then they sang a Korean song of blessing over me. I cried like a baby! And you know what? Instantly I felt the heaviness of disappointment leave me, and I could smile and laugh again. Literally instantly. And I was no longer devastated about Mongolia because suddenly I knew in my heart I was still supposed to go there in the future (Korea, too!) And that Brazil is, somehow, where I need to go first in order to get to Asia.
So…now our Northeast Asia team is making plans to South America! What a seriously unexpected turn of events for everyone, eh? Where, when, and what exactly? Ha! I have no idea! In fact, even these plans to Brazil could change for our safety due to the Coronavirus.
No matter what happens, I’m not mad at God anymore. He told me “No,” and I may not understand it right now, but He knows my heart for Mongolia and all of Asia—and if something amazing will come out of it if I wait on His perfect timing, then I will choose to wait.
Easier said than done (clearly, haha. I just said I was about to leave DTS because I was so upset at things not working out in my own timing basically), but all things work out for the good of those who love Him.
So watch out, Brazil! As far as I know… here I come!
Signed,
Allison the Adventurer
